A few months ago my mom and I were talking about how addicted people are to their phones. Backstory: My husband was a smoker (he quit almost 2 months ago!! woot!). He would spend quite a bit of his time outside smoking and either talking on the phone or playing on it. It drove me crazy and truth be told it hurt and upset me. How could he choose to spend his time talking to his friends or wasting time online? He works a lot and doesn't have as much time at home as he'd like and he chooses this instead of spending time with me? with his kids?
Then it dawned on me...I do it too.
Yes I may be with my kids all day, every day but am I really with them?? No, not really. Yes throughout the day of course I am but I am very much addicted to my phone and laptop. I use the excuse that I have to get online for work. I run an online business that does require me to get online throughout the day but in reality it should take me 5% the time it does. I get sucked into facebook, blogs, pinterest, etc... before I know it I have baby fingers trying to help me type, kids bickering and getting into stuff and then me getting grumpy and yelling because they are in stuff or bothering me. Not only am I being a pissy mom I am being an absent mom. I am mad they are "in everything" when I am trying to read something that is probably telling me how I can be a better more involved mom, how to organize my life and keep a tidy home. Sounds insane right?!?! This situation rarely to never happens if I am paying attention to them yet I do this over and over and over again. First step to being better at all of these things would be to get off the phone and computer and just do it. Get the adult responsibilities done, truly be with my kids, read and do "me" stuff when they are sleeping. I know how to be an involved mom. I know how to clean. If I spent the time just doing it instead of reading how to do it according to pinterest it would be done and I could move onto things I enjoy. Like I said these thoughts have been weighing very heavily on me the last few months. Once I realized how addicted I am I was even more aware every time I'd check my phone or get on the computer...but I was still doing it just as much, now I just added the realization of it and the guilt accompanied every time I continued to plug in.
Last night a friend on facebook posted a link to a blog post titled How to Miss a Childhood. Bitch slap. There were my insecurities, my fears, my reality in black and white. My faults and shortcomings splattered much more eloquently than I could ever phrase them yet they were mine all the same. I stayed up far too late reading her blog, shedding a few tears and being thankful for the eye opener. I know this will not be something I am cured of overnight but will work on daily, probably all day. I also know that every day I work on being "Hands Free" it will get easier and easier. Every day I will truly live a little more and be a better mom and wife. Today I am admitting I have the "Disease of Distraction". I will even go a little further and admit that without my phone or laptop I feel true anxiety, an addict to the iStuff.
Time to start living. Time to really soak up these little loves of mine.