Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Stronger Woman

I have always been a Jewel fan, but her last CD (prior to this one) just didn’t do it for me. I have also always been a fan of a variety of music; I have never loved when musicians cross over into a new genre though. I don’t know why, but it bothers me and I rarely will like the new style whatever it may be, probably because I never give it a chance. Chris asked me the other day if I had heard and if I liked Jewel’s new country album. Right away I answer no. I had only heard a tiny bit of one song…sitting here, I couldn’t tell you the name of the song, nor a single word from it. I instantly was saying no because I loved her first CD and thought she should stick with that forever and ever…silly I know. Strangely enough here I am two days later and I have stumbled across her song, “Stronger Woman”. As I listened, it really hit home for me…what an empowering song.

Jewel- Stronger Woman lyrics
I guess you could say I'm one of those girls

That's always been with one of those guys
You know the type Like right now, he sleeps while I write

But it's better than crying I'm worn out from trying
From loving a man who always makes it clear
I'm not welcome here

Just till he's horny and hungry or needs something cleaned
And you know what I mean
But not tonight 'Cause come the morning light,

oh I'm gonna love myself more than anyone else
Believe in me, even if someone can't see
The stronger woman in me
I'm going to be my own best friend
Stick with me till the end

Won't lose myself again, never, no,
'Cause there's a stronger woman, A stronger woman in me

Light bulbs buzz, I get up And head to my drawer
I wish there was more I could say
Another fairytale fades to gray
I've lived on hope Just like a child
Walking that mile Faking that smile

All the while Wishing my heart had wings
Well tonight, I'm going to be
The kind of woman I'd want my daughter to be,
oh I'm gonna love myself more than anyone else
Believe in me, even if someone can't see
There's a stronger woman in me
gonna be my own best friend
Stick with me till the end
won't lose myself again, never, no
'Cause there's a stronger woman, A stronger woman

This is me, packing up my bags
And this is me, headed for the door
And this is me, the best you ever had
I'm going to love myself More than anyone else
Believe in me even if someone cannot see

There's a stronger woman in me
I'm going to be my own best friend
Stay with me till the end
Won't lose myself again, never, no
'Cause there's a stronger woman
A stronger woman There's a stronger woman,
A stronger woman in me

We shouldn’t wait to love and embrace ourselves because we are thin enough, smart enough, tall enough, pretty enough, successful enough. We not only should, but NEED to love ourselves because we ARE enough. I have preached this song and dance to hundreds of patients over the years…to my daughter, to my sisters, to my friends, to everyone but myself. I have never lied to any of these people; in my heart of hearts I do believe they are not only enough the way they are, but find it amazing that they can’t see that. Here I am years later and finally admitting that I have never taken one word of my own advice. Not because I didn’t know how to say it, but because I don’t believe it. I will be better when I lose 30 pounds, when I finish school, when I get a boob job (no..not bigger), when I get a raise; I have always waited for something external to make me complete, to make me good enough, deserving enough.

Since moving to Texas I have had a lot more alone time. I didn’t make any friends for the first few months which allowed me to really think about what kind of person I am and what kind of person I want to be. It forced me to sit with myself and everything that I am. I want to be a person that people are proud to call not just a friend, but a good friend. Someone that they know will always be there. I want to be the best mother and wife that I can be and I know that until I love myself I will never be at my peak ability. I do a good job now, I do know that, but I wonder just how amazing I could be if I didn’t hold myself back because of fear of being insufficient or failing. Learning to love all of me is something I have really focused on this over the past few months, and am making progress. I am learning to love myself for my mistakes and successes; my body for it’s not so perfect and it’s beautiful parts. I hope the not so perfect parts continue to get better with work because I deserve to be healthy, but until then…

I’m going to love myself more than anyone else…be my own best friend, stick with me till the end…I’m going to be the kind of woman I want my daughter to be…

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Camping on the 4th

Chris and I joined up with a slew of other Oxfords (and a few other families) and headed to Lake Palestine for a fabulous Fourth of July family campout! Chris worked the overnight so he needed to get a little sleep and we headed out around 2 on Friday, myself, Chris and Buddy. We had to leave the puppies home as they tend to be a little out of control! There were so many people at the lake and camping! We had a great spot with plenty of space for all 5 tents. We got set up, cooked out, had some cocktails and even lots of visiting! The little boys did some fishing and even caught a few. After dark we set off fireworks, Buddy did not love this part at all. Many hours later I was done and off to my tent. My rockstar husband had other plans and partied up into the wee hours (he paid for it the next morning). It was hot, our air mattress completely deflated about 30 minutes in, we (Chris) forgot blankets and pillows, and I woke up about every 30 minutes. Did I mention there were fireants everywhere?!?! Needless to say the next morning I was perfectly fine with the fact we were only staying one night!

Spent a few hours boating on the lake and then we were ready to pack up and head home. 24 hours, a dozen ant bites later and we were beat! Who knew a shower and nap in a real bed could ever feel so good! Goodbye beautiful Lake Palestine!

Catch Up from last month

Here I am already in July and have posted next to nothing lately!

Last month, our friend Nicki and her daughter Ariel came so I thought I would post a few pictures. I know it’s not in chronological order which bothers me but better late than never! It was great to have an old friend around and a playmate for Karly. The girls picked up right where they left off! Unfortunately I was pretty sick most of the visit which put an enormous damper on it. Next time let’s hope my guts are good! We pretty much hung around the house or swam at the lake.