A little background...Going back a few months you may all remember my hopes of having an all natural birth which I shared in this post. Well...I did my class which was a home study. I wasn't quite as faithful in practicing and Chris...let's just say I think he read his portion finally. We never practiced it together which was to be done nightly...oops! The last 2 or 3 weeks of pregnancy I was very frustrated with Chris's lack of commitment to it so I just stopped too. Two nights before delivery I started listening to the recordings again :) From the beginning I was very anti-induction. I wanted him to come when he was ready. I also wanted to labor at home as long as possible hoping to avoid wanting medication. Then I found out my doctor was going on vacation and I really wanted him, so we scheduled the induction. Then I was put on bed rest so 2 weeks of that and I was feeling much better about being induced. I tried every midwife recommendation and old wives tale that I had ever heard! A few days before the induction I was dilated to 2 cm and 39 weeks so I felt confident that Sawyer was good to go!
Sunday night Chris took Karly to stay with Aunt Donna and Emily and we attempted to sleep. I pretty much tossed and turned which was my normal nights sleep at that point and ended up moving to the couch where I slept about 2 hours. I was so anxious and excited to just get started! We checked into the hospital at 5am and by 6:45 they broke my water and my contractions were every 2 minutes. I began to joke that they were all doing dinner together by how fast they had me moving! With Karly it seemed to take forever! The contractions really started to wear on me and all I could think of was how I had to do this ALL DAY LONG!! At about 10am I was only dilated to 4 and I broke down and asked for the epidural. I had a pleasant and painless 3 hours. The epidural was perfect; I could still feel a little pressure and could move my legs. The one thing that really made me not want the epidural was my experience with Kar; I couldn't feel anything! I had no idea when or how to push and ended up needing the vacuum to get a 5 pound baby out. I have seen others have the same issue which I hated having! So needless to say I was pretty stoked about the way this one was placed and dosed.
Around 1:00 Aunt Gay came by to say hello and have lunch with Chris. I started to feel a little uncomfortable and thought maybe it was just the newly placed catheter. It was strange because I could feel every contraction squeezing it. Not wanting to be a pain I just hoped it would resolve itself. About 1:15 they headed down to the cafeteria for lunch. The sensations I was feeling were really becoming stronger. I could feel my legs good enough that I could have walked and my contractions were back full force. I really wasn't prepared for the intensity of them to come back. I was trying so hard to stay focused and breath and not panic. I finally hit the nurse button; a not so pleasant nurse came in. When I explained what I was feeling she completely blew me off. She said that she never understands how people expect to come in and feel nothing...I politely told her I didn't expect to feel nothing but if I had a drip in my spine I expected to not feel everything. She truly was so rude she brought me to tears...I felt like she thought I was a junky begging for a fix. I asked if it could be clogged or pulled and she assured me that wasn't possible and left. More time passes and I am really fighting to keep my cool. I am trying different positions attempting to find something more comfortable. I happen to hit just the right spot and realize my bed has a puddle on it?!? I lift up the line to the epi and surprise the plastic part had cracked right open and was flowing into my bed!! I was so upset! I hit the nurse button again and thankfully my nice nurse was back from lunch. She said she had never seen an epidural malfunction like that and went to call the anesthesiologist. We are 45 minutes to an hour in now and in full blown feeling everything labor. Last checked I was a 4 and had no intentions of doing the rest feeling like I was. Chris and Gay showed up from lunch needless to say quite shocked to see me feeling the way I was. Chris was amazing and jumped right in to support me. The doctor showed up and injected love juice directly into the tube in my spine...wait 10 minutes...nothing. He tries another medication that at this point I didn't even want...wait 10 minutes...nothing. I was done waiting and hoping and he was done offering. They can only assume when I rolled over it pulled from my back. There wasn't much they could do other than give me IV meds which I didn't want. I really didn't want to feel drunk and not remember my birth. At this point I was begging the nurse to let me go to the bathroom...I really felt like I had to poo! She said she would bring me a bed pan...which I had no intention of using! She decided to go ahead and check me and was shocked to find I was complete! I had gone from a 4 to a 10 in less than 2 hours. She had me start pushing to move him down and went to call the doctor. From 2:00 to his birth at 3:46 were the most incredible and intense 2 hours of my life! Chris was so great and supportive...I know he was nervous and REALLY wishing we had done some sort of class but he did a great job. He kept me as calm as he could and used the cues he had learned. I will not claim that I was calm but we did it! My poor husband had gone into this saying he wanted to stay by my head and not really spend much time below...he spent more time below than he probably ever cares to see again. I had such an incredible urge to push that I didn't care if the nurse or doctor was there. Chris held my legs and coached me through the contractions, pushing, counting and all! There were a few moments I thought he may be delivering Sawyer himself! My doctor arrived and shortly after Sawyer joined us! Truly words cannot describe the feeling. I had pushed my 8lb 7oz baby out unassisted! His head was turned sideways and he did quite a bit of damage on the way out. I ended up with a 4th degree tear...I will say I kept waiting to feel the doctor cut me and never did (because he didn't cut me) but I also never felt myself tear. The urge to push was so much stronger than anything else that I was feeling. The second that baby emerged I felt so proud of myself and overwhelmingly in love with my family.
Looking back I was scared I would feel ashamed for giving in and getting the epidural. I do realize I should have put a lot more time and effort into my class and made Chris do it too. I do believe I got a lot more from it than I thought I had. I had a much more confident pregnancy and birth than I ever imagined. I learned a few techniques that I did utilize and that did really help me during delivery. Now that it is over I realize I had MY perfect birth. I never had the desire to prove I could handle hours of contractions. I wanted it to be myself and Chris in the delivery room. I wanted us to be dependant on each other and have an intimate birth without a bunch of other people. I wanted to be able to push my baby out without a vacuum or other assistance and I wanted to feel him come out of my body. It was so amazing to feel him slip out (after the head of course)...I could even feel his little feet come out. I hope I never forget how amazing it was. It was everything I had imagined and more.
Scary belly...sadly yes those are stretch marks! Lets call them battle scars :)
Fresh from the oven!
Momma & Sawyer
So in love with my boy!